Single on Valentine's Day: Seeking Yourself (A Guest Article by Jade Alectra)

“If you were handed an envelope with the date of your death inside, and you knew you could do nothing to alter your fate, would you look?”

Photos courtesy of Jade Alectra

Last night I took myself on a date to two of my favorite places in Orange Country called The Camp and The Lab Anti-Mall. I found a book in one of the stores made up of questions created by a psychologist. This is the first one I opened to. My answer surprised me and I think inspired by my recent life shifts, one being my transition from relationship to single, changed the way I would have answered ever before in my life. I would absolutely look. 10000%!

Imagine if you thought you had another 40 years on this earth, or even 20. Or perhaps a mere 10. That’s a LIFETIME! You could put so many things you want to do off because of the illusion that you think you have time.

Death is a perspective that cannot be shaken. It’s real. It’s heavy. It’s visceral. It’s what makes the deepest, quickest clearest awakening from the bullshit you think matters.

Photos courtesy of Jade Alectra

So during this time of change in my life, I’ve done things a little differently than usual and its made all the difference. Below are 10 things to do/remember/practice that have helped me in this fresh life of singledom that I’m hoping will help you as well, single or not.

  1. Treat yourself, practice mindfulness with yourself - one of my favorite things is taking myself out on dinner dates and leaving my phone in my car to be completely present to what I feel and my own thoughts. 

  2. Break patterns by replacing them with powerful and intentional rituals - a ritual is something you choose to do whether you feel like it or not. Meaning when you wake up in the morning, and feel sad or not in the mood to work out, you still commit to movement because you know the benefits will set you up for such a better day. 

  3. Stay hydrated for your physical and mental health - after I have done my work out which typically consists of Krav Maga self defense training, kick boxing, and weight lifting, I try to do my best to drink a gallon of water throughout the day. 

  4. Eat for nutrition, not for your emotions - I take a yoga class and eat for nutrition throughout the day, rather than eating with the waves of my emotions. It’s so easy to give in to comfort-eating when you’re feeling down, but that pattern only prolongs and exacerbates the negativity because you begin to feel down about your physical body as well. If you practice discipline and force yourself to eat healthy regardless of what your disheartened cravings tell you, you will begin to feel better from the inside out — physically and then mentally, inevitably.

  5. Get lost in literature - two of my favorite books to have on hand is Rupi Kaur’s ‘Milk and Honey’, as well as Cheryl Strayed’s ‘Brave Enough’. 

  6. Don’t be afraid to meet new people - I began creating fun events with girlfriends from yoga class, and some of my best friends and I have been trying new things and meeting new friends. 

  7. Be spontaneous, and surround yourself with those closest to you - I’ve planned spur of the moment road trips with some amazing friends who feel more like sisters, and booked a retreat for myself to attend in Bali in March. I bought a plane ticket to Kauai with my friend Allie, and have fallen in love with he uncertainty of my future. 

  8. Reignite your passions and pursue them vigorously until you forget your heart was broken in the first place - I created not only one but TWO Valentines day workshops, one of which is in Arizona with my friend Bizzie Gold thats designed to explore the patterns of your love life and create higher awareness, and the second is a Half Krav Maga Self Defense, half yoga and eye gazing self love class. 

  9. Keep your energy flowing forward, and ask yourself the right questions - it’s important to keep the energy moving into people and things that will grow you in a beneficial way. And the best and most simple question I have found to ask myself, is if this person or situation feels expansive or contracting? 

  10. Take care of your heart, not by building a wall around it, but by keeping it open and vulnerable - seek those who fill your cup and lift your heart so that you will have help on the days when you hit some rough turbulence. Work hard to keep your heart in check with your commitment to self and your health and you will always come out stronger.

Jade Alectra is a writer, yogi, and health enthusiast based in Huntington Beach, CA. Come hang out with her on the interweb: @jadealectra.

See how the other half lives. Read “Single on Valentine’s Day: Seeking Pleasure” by Amanda Rodriguez.